oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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