Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
