I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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