DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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