You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
