it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
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You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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