Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am midnight drunk by noon
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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