apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
