it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
im holly from the hills drunk
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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