if you like me you must not know who I am
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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