DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
