rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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