i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I met the friendliest cop last night
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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