You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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