remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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