How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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