Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
