chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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