I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Randomize
