i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
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I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
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apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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