If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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