She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
