So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
