Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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