He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
