dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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