i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dick very happy bro
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
