Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize