My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
