im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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