He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
