my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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