fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
bring money and cleavage
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
