He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
