Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
