I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
