Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
