Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
