I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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