I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
