All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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