she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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