No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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