The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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