Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
