I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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