oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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