Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
