He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
