I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
