i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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