I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
