Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
