Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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