I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
