At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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