It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
