After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
