I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
