i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
