i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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