...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
