Moan for me like Helen Keller
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
