Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
