I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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