So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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