you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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