I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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