Barsexuality is the new black.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
