so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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